‘So tis to war we must now both go!

You know King Phil, I’d much rather have you as a friend than a foe!’

The war that would last for so long was actually rather slow in coming about. In January 1340, Edward had infuriated Philip by rather cheekily adopting for himself the title, King of France. However, the mutual large scale blood-shedding that would become known as the Hundred Years War, did not actually start until June 1340.

Round one of the conflict was a sea battle off the Flemish port of Sluys.

The Battle of Sluys, June 24th 1349.

What would King Edward have actually been thinking at this juncture in the summer of 1340? A contemporary interview might have gone along the following lines.

My dear King Edward, what lies in your heart today?

‘ Anger! Anger! And a lot of it! That crooked toad, Philip was appointed to be king of France by his French friends when the throne was rightfully mine. I was the nearest living relative to the last king, because he was my uncle, whereas Phil is a distant cousin!’

What, your most gracious majesty, will be your next move?

Well, toad Philip has hired a load of Italian and Spanish pirates to help him attack me and invade England! He has them all holed up along the Flemish coast at a place called Sluys! Not content with getting hold of one throne by thievery, he wants another! I am going to sail down there and flush them out like rats from a hole!

I understand that you have been advised against attacking Sluys!

Yea, By dear old  Archbishop Robbie, Stratford! He says the enemy fleet is too strong and that my attack will fail! He means well, the decent old fellow, but no dice. I am going in for the kill on June 24th!

Thank you your most gracious majesty! 

The Battle of Sluys, 1340.

At Sluys, Philip had assembled a huge fleet with which to attack Edward. In fact, it would be Edward who would start the ball rolling by attacking Philip’s great armada. During the medieval period, both sides would use  grappling hooks  to prevent an enemy ship from sailing away whilst their soldiers  boarded it. Savage hand to hand fighting would inevitably follow.

Close hand to hand fighting at the battle of Sluys.

‘King Philip had a huge armada! There were the French and some Castilians and others were Genoese!

No matter, Edward destroyed the entire large force with unbelievable ease!’

In the melee that followed, Edward defeated the larger French force at minimal cost to himself. One reason for this was the disastrous tactics chosen by the senior French commander, Nicholas Behuchet. He had ordered that his ships be chained together for defensive purposes. Another factor was the devastating effect of the English longbow, which Edward had deployed to great success against the Scots at Halidon Hill in 1333. The king would do so again here at Sluys. Although the French had crossbowmen, they were no match for the archers with their longbow, which was much quicker to use than the crossbow.

In the hours of fighting, tens of thousands lost their lives. The vast majority of these were French. Some were killed outright duelling with their opponents, whilst others having been hauled over the side, drowned due to the weight of their armour.

One of the two senior French commanders, Nicholas Behuchet was captured and hanged from the mast of his own ship.

Nicholas Behuchet

The icing on the cake of this victory was that the English managed to retake one of their vessels, the massive ship, The Christopher, which the French had captured in 1338.

The Christopher.

Although Edward himself was wounded in the battle, no amount of physical pain could temper the sweet taste of victory!

‘I was hit in the leg with a bolt!

But, despite the pain, I will take the time to sit back, relax, smile and gloat!’

‘A victorious military monarch, his age but twenty!

Is there more to come? Yes, much more! Oh yes, plenty!’

King Edward III.

After his victory at Halidon Hill in that glorious summer of 1333, King Edward left Balliol in Scotland to quell any further Scottish resistance and travelled south in triumph. The king now turned his gaze across the sea to France, where Philip VI sat on the throne.

King Philip VI of France! – O Lucky Man!

King Philip VI of France was something of an accidental king and had never been expected to wear the French crown. He was the cousin of three brothers who had all been kings of France, but who had died young without leaving male issue. Because of this family connection, he was crowned king of France at Rheims in 1328.

King Philip VI of  France.

This was the sort of career opportunity that countless minor royals throughout European history could only wish for in their wildest dreams. But for Philip, the dream had become a reality.

‘Dear King Philip, you ascended the throne without having to lift a finger!

 In time, others felt this was a seat upon which you should not be allowed to linger!’

Philip’s reign would not be without its fair share of nightmares, the chief source of which was King Edward III of England.

The Hundred Years War.

Why did this conflict begin?

To begin with, the fifteen year old Edward had claimed that he was the rightful king of France when his uncle, Charles IV the king of France, died in 1328. Indeed, he had a point, as he was the late king’s closest living male relative.

So, our Eddie mark 3 is the prime candidate for the top job in France?

Well, not exactly! You see sexism rules!

What?

The French aristocracy decided against choosing Edward for the throne of France because he was related to the French royal family through his mother, Isabella, who was obviously a woman.

Queen Isabella.

Whereas, Philip drew his royal lineage from a male source, his grandfather king Philippe III.

King Philippe III of France.

‘Edward’s link to the throne of France is through his dearest mama!

But Philip’s claim is stronger, because it is through his dear old, grandpapa!’

Is this fair?

‘The barons chose Philip over Edward because they wanted a candidate coming from a male connection!

Why?

Because they felt that this offered the country stronger national protection!’

What was Edward’s response?

Edward was still a minor and under the control of his mother and Mortimer, so of course nothing came of it.

Edward III and Philip VI.

To begin with, the two monarchs appeared to get along quite well, and Edward paid homage to Philip for his duchy of Gascony which was part of Aquitaine. The profits from Gascony’s wine and other goods was the main source of Edward’s income, so the duchy was a very important jewel in the English crown.

But in May 1337, Philip announced that he was annexing the duchy. This was because Edward had agreed to shelter Philip’s former close adviser but now bitter enemy, Robert III of Artois. Edward had no intention of being deprived of his duchy and the wealth that it generated.

Oh, Scotland again!

King Philip had greatly annoyed Edward by granting the boy king of Scotland, David II the son of Robert Bruce, sanctuary in France in 1334.

David II being greeted by King Philip VI of France.

Philip was also giving strong and consistent aid to the Scots supporters of David who were rebelling against Edward’s ally, Edward Balliol, who also claimed to be the king of Scotland. This meant that Balliol was unable to maintain firm control of the country.

Edward claims to be the rightful king of France.

In October 1337 Edward III declared that he, not Philip VI, was the legitimate king of France. He based his claim on the fact that his mother had been the sister of the last king of France, Charles IV. The claim was quite absurd, because under French law, the crown could not be inherited through the female line of the family. Undeterred, Edward prepared to back his words with physical force.

 

 

‘I believe myself cast in the mould of my grandfather, the illustrious Edward I!

For military glory of his like, I have an unquenchable thirst!’

Edward III was committed to finishing the work that his grandfather, Edward I had begun in Scotland. Edward was resolved to ‘putting things right.’

Edward III makes a statement of his intentions!

‘I wanna give you Scots a real hammering, so as to follow in the footsteps of my dear grandpapa!’

A Scotsman replies:

‘Ye can up if ye like, but we will see to it that you’ll no get far!’

Edward resolves to right the wrongs of the past!

Edward III was a great admirer of his grandfather, Edward I, ‘Hammer of the Scots’. So it was fitting that he begin his career as a royal commander in Scotland where the first Edward had finished his.

‘Oh come! Watch me attend to some unfinished business!

Pray stand, and to these actions, please bear witness!’

The young king was also determined to avenge his own father’s shameful defeat at Bannockburn. There were also his own bitter memories of almost being captured by the Scots during Roger Mortimer’s pathetic military campaign in 1327. Edward had only escaped the Scots in the nick of time.

‘Because dodging Roger failed to keep his eye on the Scots, up to the royal tent they were allowed to creep!

I spied the Scots savages as they approached and from the back flap, I did, just in time, manage to leap!

Not to mention the shameful treaty that the despicable old hound, Mortimer had signed with Robert Bruce. He simply did not have the stomach for a war with the Scottish king. Mortimer ceased fighting and engaged Bruce in diplomacy. Their conversation might well have followed the following lines:

Mortimer:

‘I am now withdrawing and handing Scotland over to you, king Scot!

Robert Bruce:

I am much obliged, noble Roger, here’s to you, and thanks a lot!’

My goodness, thought Edward III, I have lot to put right. Damn Mortimer, damn him!

Roger Mortimer.

‘On this face, thankfully, I no longer have to gaze!

The memories of his nefarious meddling, I am duty bound to erase!’

Go north, young man!

So into the north, Edward went forth, to exorcise the legacy of his own father’s shortcomings and also the incompetence and treachery of the unspeakable Mortimer! The king had decided to support Edward Balliol in his bid for the Scottish Crown against the king, David II and to further this endeavour, he lay siege to Berwick in May 1333.

The Battle of Halidon Hill!

A real, mean, first kill!

A large Scots army commanded by Sir Archibald Douglas marched to relieve Berwick. Edward had positioned his army, which was an English force combined with Balliol’s Scots adherents at Halidon Hill, a few miles north of Berwick on July 19th. Edward took the high ground and waited for the larger army to advance. Indeed, the very sight of the large Scots army approaching caused consternation amongst the English defenders. The Scots were brimming with confidence and clearly certain of victory.

It was at this point that the young Edward showed his strength of character. He went amongst his men with words of encouragement and the promise of generous rewards:

‘Oh ye fine fighting men be of good cheer!

The antics of the Scots this day will cost them dear!’

True to his word, Edward exacted a heavy toll from the Scots. The king would command from the centre, whilst Balliol would direct the left flank. Edward had chosen his ground well as the Scots would soon found out. In order to attack the English positions, the Scots were forced to cross a marsh, which slowed them down considerably. Quite literally stuck in the mud, they were an easy, slow moving target for Edward’s archers.

It was here that the longbow came into its own, reaping a truly grim harvest. Once clear of  the marsh, the Scots had to climb Halidon Hill in order to engage the English. They were engulfed in a hailstorm of arrows as they made their ascent.

‘The Scots were cut down as surely as corn is cut by a man with a scythe!

The dead lay still, the wounded could only groan, wriggle and writhe!’

English casualties were minimal. Not so the Scots, they were slaughtered in their thousands. Bannockburn had been avenged.

‘Oh ye Scots, at Bannockburn in June 1314, the tide of conflict in your favour, did  indeed turn!

But here, this July day of 1333, at Halidon Hill, an important lesson did ye all learn!’

It was a victory stunning in its magnitude, but Scotland would, despite Edward’s efforts remain outside of his grasp. But on that particular summer’s evening in 1333, Edward, in the fullest flush of victorious fervour, felt that he had now established himself as a great warrior king in the tradition of his grandfather, Edward I.

 

With Mortimer now dead and his mother in comfortable but confined seclusion at Windsor, Edward, aged eighteen, was able to begin his reign. Edward was tall and possessed a strong physique, he had fine facial features and a head of long fair hair. He looked every inch the successful king that he aspired to be. Edward was courteous, affable in manner and charmed people with his broad easy smile.

King Edward III.

‘With Mortimer gone, all the bad deeds are now in the past!

So now, I am free! Yes free! God be praised, I am free at last!’

 As the feast of Christmas, 1330 approached, King Edward must have looked back on the last four years with somewhat mixed feelings.

‘Well, this will be the first merry Christmas I will have had in years! For the last few Christmases I have had to suffer the spectacle of that dirty old hound, Mortimer, gnawing at his meat and guzzling back wine as he sat with my mother at top table.

God! The news of my father’s death hit me hard. True, he was not up to the job of kingship, but to have him done to death by a band of ruffians in a dingy cell at Berkeley castle was simply wrong. Not that dog face Mortimer was any great shakes in the statesman stakes either! Look at how he got a drubbing from king of the Jocks, Robert Bruce. He goes charging into Scotland claiming that he will soon be serving up Bruce’s head on a platter, and then ends up saluting the Celt savage as king of Scots.

Thank goodness I stopped Mortimer’s gallop that night in Notts castle! We grabbed him and were lassoing him down, when I could hear my men roaring their heads off with laughter on the other side of the curtain! They had found that old codger, Bishop Burghersh wriggling half way down the toilet shaft. The old fool panicked at the sight of us piling in and tried to escape down the toilet. Anyway, we got him out and packed him off back to Lincoln Cathedral!’

One happy memory for Edward would have been his marriage to Philippa of Hainault in 1328. Although a marriage arranged for political purposes, it would prove to be one that provided mutual happiness.

Queen Philippa, wife of Edward III.

Edward decided to make a very public declaration that a clean break was being made with the past. A proclamation was issued and recited aloud in public places throughout the realm. It acknowledged that the country had endured years of bad government, but that Edward would:

‘henceforth govern his people according to right and reason, as befits his royal dignity.’

The young king was soon true to his word. He handed back estates that had been seized by Edward II and the incorrigible Despensers to their rightful owners, and elevated talented men to the ranks of  the aristocracy.

Scotland.

Edward was still seething over Mortimer’s disastrous campaign in Scotland and the grossly unsatisfactory treaty agreed between the two countries.  An opportunity to correct the situation arose when Robert Bruce died in 1329, leaving his five year old son, David as his heir.

‘King Robert Bruce is dead, leaving wee prince Davy as his heir, as his heir!

There is trouble afoot! Please be aware! Of ambitious men, please beware! Please beware!

Such a development occurring in those days was a guarantee for instability, as others would view it as a situation ripe for exploitation. Edward Balliol the son of the late king, John, decided to mount a challenge to the infant king David.

Balliol asked Edward for support, but the king declined to assist him in what appeared to be a doomed bid for the crown of Scotland. However, Balliol’s army against all odds, defeated a much larger force loyal to King David at the Battle of Duppin Moor in August 1332. Flushed with victory, Balliol had himself crowned King of Scots. Although Balliol was later expelled from Scotland, Edward now decided to back his claim for the Scottish throne.

Edward realised that if he were to be a successful king like his grandfather, Edward I, he would have to prove himself as a military commander. The chance to do so now presented itself in Scotland in the spring of 1333.

 

The fourteen year old Prince Edward, Edward of Windsor as he was known, had been crowned king in February 1327 at Westminster. Of course, the real power lay with his mother Queen Isabella’s paramour, Roger Mortimer. However, he used his power to ill-effect. Mortimer’s first major gaffe was a poorly executed invasion of Scotland, ending in a humiliating treaty signed in 1328 which acknowledged Robert Bruce as king of Scotland. The seventeen year old Edward III was opposed to the agreement, but was in no position to defy Mortimer.

‘Whilst honest men went forth toiling!

This dirty dog Mortimer, spent his time upon the heads of other men soiling!

Although to the nation he presented himself as honest and straight, he was himself really quite bent!

Not content with having killed one son of Edward I, he decided to kill another, Edmund of Kent!

Mortimer, now ensconced as regent, developed into the classic model of an overmighty subject. In 1328, he assumed the title Earl of March and enjoyed a life of almost obscene luxury and ostentation. Terrified of being himself removed from power, Mortimer eliminated anyone he saw as a rival. One was the king’s uncle, the Earl of Kent, a son of Edward I. Mortimer managed to entrap the rather dim Earl in a plot, and as a result he was executed. The king was powerless to help his unfortunate uncle.

Edmund, Earl of Kent.

Relations between Mortimer and the young king began to deteriorate very sharply. Mortimer, his paranoia now in overdrive, deployed a multitude of spies to keep their eyes on Edward and watch his every move. Not to be outdone, Edward quietly gathered a group of loyalists around him and patiently bided his time. The king chose his allies carefully and one, Sir William Montague proved to be particularly useful.

William Montague

Edward topples Mortimer and Queen Isabella.

In October 1330, Mortimer, the Queen and Edward were in residence at Nottingham castle for the parliament which had been convened there. It was at this point that Edward saw his opportunity to oust Mortimer.

Suspicious of Edward’s intentions, Mortimer had made sure  that every entrance to the castle was secure and guarded. However, Edward had made a secret arrangement with the constable of the castle to leave one entrance unlocked. Once inside, the king and Montague with a body of men, followed a tunnel which led straight to Mortimer and Isabella’s quarters and burst in taking both of them by complete surprise. There was a moment of high mirth when the Bishop of Lincoln, who was present, tried to escape down the toilet chute but became stuck and had to be helped out.

‘Edward seized  Mortimer at the dead of night!

He was captured in the bed chamber after a brief fight!

Queen Isabella cried, dear son, mercy for sweet Mortimer I do crave!

But Edward would give none, he had a noose put around the neck of the murderous knave!’

Mortimer was swiftly transported to the Tower of London from which he had so dramatically escaped in 1323. There was to be no escape on this occasion. On November 29th he was dragged to Tyburn and hanged as a common criminal. Mortimer was granted one mercy in that, probably in deference to the wishes of the Queen, he was allowed to hang until he expired.

Edward, aged eighteen was now king of England in his own right.

 

 

King Edward was expecting an invasion and sent his ships out to sea in order to intercept Isabella’s convoy. But Isabella and Mortimer managed to avoid any of Edward’s ships, and landed in Suffolk on September 24th 1326.

On the face of it, Isabella’s chances of unseating an incumbent king with her small force appeared rather remote. However, her arrival galvanized the people who had been unhappy with the regime, and who harboured great resentment towards the Despensers. Instead of resistance, Isabella received a warm welcome and offers of assistance from many quarters.

Queen Isabella disembarks at Orwell in Suffolk in September 1326.

Isabella proceeded westwards towards London where Edward was residing. The king, astonished at the collapse of his support, fled to the west country. In an empty gesture of defiance, Edward placed a bounty of £1,000 on Mortimer’s head.

‘You put a bounty on my beloved Roger’s head so as to cause me trouble!

I will place a price on wretched Despenser’s head, a sum which amounts to double!’

Isabella responded by offering £2,000 for the head of  Hugh Despenser.

The city of London was a crucial area for either side in what looked like becoming a civil war. To whom would the Londoners give their allegiance? This question was answered in a most graphic manner on October 15th 1326 by the treatment the citizens of London meted out to Bishop Stapledon, whom Edward had appointed ‘protector’ of London after his cowardly flight from the city. When the unfortunate prelate attempted to assert his authority over the city, he was dragged from his horse and savagely put to death.

Edward may well have ruefully remarked:

‘Isabella has London in the bag! In the bag!

Oh, what a drag! Oh what an infernal drag!

And all of the time, my support continues to sag! Sag! Continues to sag!’

Edward and the Despensers were on the run, and running very scared. King Edward, sovereign of the realm, was a fugitive within its borders, hunted as a common felon.  No king had ever known such ignominy. Hugh Despenser the elder was captured at Bristol, and after a swift trial was executed on October 26th. At this point King Edward II was deposed and his son, was proclaimed guardian of the realm.

Unfinished business.

The odyssey of King Edward and Hugh the younger was coming to an ignominious close. On November 16th the two fugitives were apprehended at Liantrisant in Wales. Edward because he was king, was accorded good treatment but not so his favourite, Hugh the younger. He was subjected to every possible indignity as he was transported east to Hereford. Bound to a horse, citizens jeered at him as he passed and some scrawled biblical quotes on to his body. Knowing the penalty awaiting him, Hugh refused all sustenance in the hope that he would die of starvation before being hanged, drawn and quartered. But luck was not with him, and after a brief trial at Hereford, he suffered the sentence prescribed for traitors.

‘Your crimes were so wicked and foul!

For this you will watch while we burn your bowel!

And onto the flaming fire!

Your blood soaked innards will make a fitting funeral pyre!’

Hugh was drawn feet first by four horses to the walls of his own castle where a gallows of immense height awaited him. Sometimes the condemned would be allowed to hang until dead, thus sparing him the agonies of emasculation. But spared he was not, Hugh suffered the full penalty of the law with all of the accompanying barbarities.

The execution of Hugh Despenser.

What would King Edward have said?

‘Oh farewell, fair Hugh!

We now bid each other adieu!

You were not of the mediocre many, but one of the finest few!

In my heart of hearts there will always be a special place for you!’

In January 1327 the king, languishing at Kenilworth castle consumed with grief and humiliation, was forced to formally abdicate in favour of his son. Bemoaning his fate, he would constantly and loudly cry out in anguish, hammering the walls of his chamber with his fists before collapsing to the floor in tears.

Parliament promised Edward a comfortable, but severely restricted retirement: the life of a pampered prisoner appeared to await him. Tearfully, he sullenly prepared himself for his luxurious confinement in a yet to be disclosed location. Edward must have harboured hopes that his son Ted, now king, would eventually see fit to alleviate his circumstances once he had reached manhood.

‘To you my dear son, young Teddy!

Of course as king, you know that I proved to be persistently unready!

Oh what matter now, I would humbly request, nay beg, to take a place at your side!

So through England’s green meadows as father and son we could, once again ride!’

However this was not to be.

Popularity is of course a fickle phenomenon and can disappear as swiftly as the morning dew. This was the experience of Isabella and Mortimer, whose star began to fade as the dust  settled and people steadily became familiar with their true colours. Soon plots were hatched to free the deposed king and restore him to the throne. Naturally, Mortimer viewed this as a problem and one that had to be eliminated with immediate effect.

Edward was transported to a variety of abodes, but was eventually deposited at Berkeley castle and here he would endure the rigours of his last days.

‘The throne of England was one hell of a hot seat!

Although being king was an experience that was hard to beat!

But the heat that Edward was now unmercifully made to bear!

Well t’was a foul act, totally unnecessary and grossly unfair!’

So now the final curtain.

Edward breathed his last one day in late September, 1327. He was almost certainly murdered on the orders of Roger Mortimer.  It has been alleged that he was killed by having a red hot poker plunged into his rectum which burnt his internal organs to a crisp. In this way no tell tale signs of violence were left on his body. King Edward II was buried by the High Altar in Gloucester Cathedral.

King Edward II

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#;[”””””

 

‘Gay Paree! Oh gay Paree!

That is the place where Roger Mortimer wished to be!

Once there, he would, with the French king go hand in glove!

Also, with the Queen of England he would find new love!’

Roger Mortimer received a fairly warm reception from the new king, Charles IV when he reached Paris. He was, after all, a man of noble birth and would be accorded the courtesies commensurate with his station in life.

King Charles IV at his wedding ceremony.

However, the relationship would become more cordial later that year. An event that October caused a fall out between the king of France and the king of England.

The English Crown owned the French province of Gascony which was part of the duchy of Aquitaine. Of course King Edward was also Duke of Aquitaine, but he held it as a vassal of the French king.  In 1322  the French government decided that the Gascon village of St Sardos now belonged to France. In October a French royal sergeant proceeded to St Sardos, and in dramatic Gallic fashion solemnly erected a signpost bearing the coat of arms of the French Crown in the village itself. A local nobleman, loyal to King Edward outraged by this action, destroyed St Sardos and hanged the unfortunate sergeant-at-arms from the offending signpost.

‘Sarge! Oh Sarge! What you did was not the right thing to do!

Now as you swing high on the signpost; of the locality, you will have a great view!

                                  As the wind keeps the signpost turning! Yes, turning!

You can watch the whole damn village burning!’

This seemingly trivial bout of unpleasantness escalated into a war between England and France. In March 1325, Edward, realising that the war was going badly, sent his queen, Isabella to negotiate with her brother, King Charles IV. Isabella managed to persuade King Charles to agree to a truce but the eventual outcome was not to England’s advantage. August was the time for Edward to travel to France to pay homage to King Charles for his duchy of Aquitaine. However, Edward was reluctant to leave England as political matters were far from harmonious. So it was agreed that prince Edward could travel to France and pay homage to King Charles in his father’s place. In September young Edward, accompanied by Bishop Stapledon, arrived in France and was reunited with his mother. So something of a family get-together, a little mixing of royal business and personal pleasure.

‘Oh King Edward allowing Prince Edward to travel to France was a terrible decision!

Once Isabella possesses prince Edward, she will be able to move against you with both military and political precision.

Prince Edward paying homage to his uncle King Charles IV of France for the duchy of Aquitaine.

Stapledon brought a command from Edward that Isabella was to return to England as soon as young Edward had performed the duty of homage. This was something that Isabella was loath to do. She told the astonished bishop that Edward’s relationship with Hugh the younger had caused her to consider herself a widow.

‘Hark at the court of King Edward, nothing that comes out of there is any good!

As a consequence, I consider myself consigned to a condition of widowhood!’

Indeed, she took to wearing garments black in colour as widows were inclined to do.

It was during this period that Mortimer and Queen Isabella became romantically attached.

‘Despite being in Paris on matters of state business, Isabella had private hours of leisure!

She spent the time with  Roger Mortimer with whom she found a deep love, a truly golden trove of treasure!’

Isabella in Paris, with her son at her side, now plotted with Mortimer and the anti-Despenser exiles to overthrow King Edward II. The time was now right to launch an invasion of England and rid the kingdom of an incompetent king and his worthless advisers, the hated Despensers. However, Isabella’s brother Charles declined to aid her in this adventure, so ever resourceful, Isabella sought another avenue of succour. Isabella and Mortimer along with their retinue journeyed to the duchy of Hainault. There, a bargain was struck between Isabella and her cousin, William count of Hainault. Young prince Edward was to be betrothed to William’s daughter Philippa, and the dowry received would pay for Isabella’s planned invasion of England.

In September 1326, Isabella’s invasion fleet was set to sail for England.

 

In May, Edward in triumphant mode, presided over a parliament at York. This was indeed the high water mark of his reign.

‘Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Allow me to remind you who it is that actually rules ya!’

The seal of King Edward II.

Edward had never before known such a great triumph, nor would he ever do so again. To his immense satisfaction, parliament revoked the Ordinances of 1311 by passing the Statutes of York. In a mood of supreme self-confidence, Edward now turned his gaze northwards to Scotland.

‘Edward, now feeling proud of heart, never walked so tall!

But tis said that pride becomes before a fall!’

That summer of 1322, Edward marched into Scotland, resolved to avenge the humiliation of Bannockburn.  In order to do so, he had first to engage the army of Robert Bruce, however, the Scottish king declined to oblige. Bruce pulled his forces northwards and deployed a scorched earth strategy which deprived the English army of food.

‘Oh we, the valiant sons of Scotland the brave!

Will offer ye Sassanachs nothing more than an unmarked grave!’

With his soldiers weakened and dying of sickness and disease, Edward beat an ignominious retreat south of the border. Bruce, the shrewd military strategist that he was, pressed the advantage by pursuing his quarry, and defeated Edward’s army in Yorkshire that October.

Robert Bruce.

Both Edward and his queen Isabella, residing at different locations, narrowly escaped capture by the Scots. This was a huge defeat and humiliation, and had a profound effect on the English nation. The pain of defeat was compounded for Edward by the death of his illegitimate son, Adam who had accompanied his father on the Scottish campaign. The year of 1322 which had begun so promisingly had turned in to annus horribilis.

This was the beginning of the Despenser era. So besotted was Edward with the father and son duo, that he could refuse them nothing. Their presence had a drug like effect upon the king, so as to cast a spell upon him.

‘The Despensers, beloved by the king, were in the ascendency!

The country, and eventually Edward himself, would suffer because of his dreadful dependency!’

A later depiction of Hugh the younger.

This diabolical double act wrought havoc and England was considerably less than merry while they were at large. Young Hugh’s particular speciality was forcing rich widows into handing over their lands to his grasping hands on pain of torture. One recalcitrant widow who resisted his demands had her limbs broken, the agony of which drove the poor woman insane.

‘With England in their nefarious hold!

Opposition to the Despensers began to unfold!’

Roger Mortimer, a wealthy Marcher Lord and staunch enemy of the Despensers, had been incarcerated in the Tower of London in 1322 because he had supported Lancaster. However, in August 1323 he managed to escape by persuading the sub-lieutenant of the Tower to aid and abet his departure.

‘By spiking the guards feast day drink!

Resourceful Roger escaped from the clink!’

The feast day of the Tower chapel’s patron saint was August 1st, and the celebrations involved the consumption of a good deal of alcohol.

This year’s caskets of celebratory wine would contain an additional ingredient, a sleeping drug. With the guards soon happily comatose, Mortimer made good his escape, and made his way to Paris to request an audience with the newly crowned king, Charles IV.

Mortimer’s presence in Paris would have lethal consequences for Edward’s tenure as king of England. It was here in 1325 that he and Queen Isabella would begin a relationship which would bring about the end of Edward’s reign.

 

‘For Edward, these were good times! Days that brought him pleasure!

The not so distant future would bring hours to repent at leisure!’

The King was determined to wreak vengeance upon his enemies and his pre-emptive first strike occurred at Leeds Castle in Kent in October 1321. Queen Isabella, who was journeying to Canterbury on pilgrimage, approached Leeds Castle and requested shelter for the night. This was a reasonable request, as it was Crown property but held for Edward by Baron Bradlesmere who had defected to the faction led by Thomas of Lancaster.

The arms of Baron Bradlesmere.

Bradlesmere was away at the time and the castle was being minded by his wife, Margaret. Lady Margaret’s response to Isabella’s arrival was a volley of arrows from the battlements which killed a number of the Queen’s bodyguards.

‘ The Queen arrived and requested from the Lady Margaret, entry to the castle and sustenance in the Great Hall!

Lady Margaret’s reply was a fusillade of arrows from the castle’s wall!

Edward’s response was to besiege Leeds Castle. Bradlesmere responded by rushing to his wife’s defence. However, the unfortunate baron soon learnt that he would receive no help from Lancaster and the Marcher Lords in relieving the siege. Bradlesmere was thus forced to withdraw. The Lady Margaret, expecting prompt succour from Lancaster, now realised that none would in fact be forthcoming.

‘Betrayed! Betrayed! By Lancaster Tom so horribly betrayed!

Now besieged in this castle by the king, I feel so terribly, terribly afraid!’

The Lady Margaret had no choice but to surrender and after a promise of fair treatment from Edward, was led out of the castle for the journey to the Tower. As she left her home for the last time, she would have seen the castle’s battlements adorned with the corpses of her military commander and some of his men as they swung in the autumnal air.

Buoyed by this victory, Edward decided to recall the Despensers.

‘I have just seen the king welcoming  the Despensers at the palace door!

This  means that the country will soon be engulfed in civil war!’

As with the case of Edward’s late favourite Gaveston some years before, the Despensers’ exile lasted but a short time. Banished in July, back in the royal bosom by Christmas, 1321. Hugh the elder had taken up temporary residence in France whilst his son had spent the time pursuing a short-lived career as a particularly savage seafaring thief along the English Channel.

‘Whether he be sailing on the sea or riding on land!

Hugh the younger could be relied upon to lead a pillaging, murderous band!

When he ceased to harry the sea around England’s south coast!

The seaborne merchants with heartfelt relief raised their goblets in a joyful toast!’

Hugh the younger.

Edward had summoned the Despensers back to England because he calculated that he could outmanoeuvre his opponents and in this he would be proved correct. It was at this point that Edward showed an uncharacteristic degree of prescience. His arch enemy, Thomas of Lancaster, was scheming in Yorkshire with the northern barons. Edward predicted that if he moved against the Marcher Lords of Wales, Lancaster would not come to their aid, but stay put in his Pontefract lair.

‘Edward aimed to divide his foes and conquer!

As a military plan it proved to be an almighty stonker!

In January 1322, the king was in Wales dealing with the Marcher Lords who had complained so bitterly about his allies, the Despensers. As he had predicted, Lancaster did not travel south-west to support his Welsh allies.

‘Edward marched his army into the land and mountains of Wales!

His army’s attacks there caused the valleys to echo the sound of the rebels agonizing wails!’

The Marcher Lords were swiftly defeated and Edward turned his attention towards Lancaster. In fact, it was Lancaster’s failure to reinforce the Marcher Lords which had been a principal factor in their defeat. Lancaster’s cowardice, or lack of judgement, in failing to support his allies would sow the seeds of his own downfall and ultimately cause his ignominious execution.

‘Oh Tom, Earl of Lancaster, tis unto you that I now turn my gaze!

Dear kinsman, you have now come to the very end of your ignoble days!’

In early 1322, Edward marched north against Lancaster who along with his ally, the Earl of Hereford, retreated as the king advanced. Trying to cross a bridge in Yorkshire, Lancaster’s party were confronted by the king’s forces. In the melee that followed, Hereford was killed when a soldier hiding under the bridge thrust his pike into the unfortunate baron’s anus. His agonising screams were the death knell of the rebels campaign.

‘As the Earl of Hereford stood upon the bridge attempting to pass!

A cheeky Welsh pike man crept underneath and speared him in the ass!’

The tomb of Henry de Bohun, Earl of Hereford.

Lancaster, now haemorrhaging allies, was apprehended on March 16th and taken to the king at Pontefract. He was swiftly tried and sentenced to death.

‘When you murdered Piers, it was done in a manner so as upon him to bestow great shame!

Now you, Lancaster Tom, will suffer a death so very much the same!’

Edward ordered that like Gaveston, Lancaster would be executed on a hillock. In fact the selected hillock was the place that some years before, Lancaster and his followers had stood and jeered at the king as he rode past. Led out on a tired old donkey, Lancaster was beheaded on the 22nd of March by an incompetent axeman who took three blows to sever the head from the body.

 

The rest of Lancaster’s senior supporters were also dispatched without mercy and for Edward, the early months of the year of 1322 had been a very pleasing time indeed.

 

 

The rise of the indispensable Despensers

It was a greatly demoralised king who met with the parliaments of late 1314 and February 1315. The scale of the military defeat in Scotland strengthened the hands of the Ordainers, who demanded that the king dismiss the chancellor and other officials. The king’s power was being eroded and that of the Ordainers was increasing.

Edward II adorned in regal attire.

But in February 1315, Edward was tasked with the solemn duty of interring Gaveston. The bitter memories of his friend’s ignominious death flooding his grief-stricken mind and heart as he prepared for the final farewell.

The death of Piers Gaveston.

‘Oh Piers! Oh dear sweet Piers!

At your graveside, I will shed tears, bitter, sorrowful tears!’

The interment took place at King’s Langley in February 1315. The Archbishop of Canterbury, Walter Reynolds presiding over the solemnities. The tears ran down the king’s cheeks as Piers’ remains were lowered into their final resting place.

‘That happy day when you sprang from the womb!

And now you lie inside this cold, dank tomb!

But in my warm heart, for you Piers’, there will always be room!’

It was at this low point in what seemed to be the very abyss of his life, that his consort Queen Isabella came into her own. The Queen, an exceedingly beautiful woman possessed a will of  iron and a great capacity for duplicity. As a faithful wife she encouraged Edward to resist what she regarded as unwarranted encroachment of royal authority by the Ordainers. Anyway in August 1316, Isabella bore Edward a second son, John, which pleased the king greatly.

In 1318 parliament appointed Hugh Despenser the younger, son of Hugh Despenser the elder, as the king’s Chamberlain. This was to have important ramifications for the remaining years of Edward’s reign. The position of Chamberlain was important because it gave Hugh Despenser the power to decide who would be allowed access to the king. Edward now became increasingly under the influence of Hugh the younger.  The king, grateful for Hugh’s support, bestowed lands and honours upon the Despenser family. All of this caused great resentment amongst certain elements of the nobility and especially Thomas, Earl of Lancaster.

The coat of arms of Hugh Despenser the elder.

The king detested Lancaster for his role in the murder of Gaveston, and was determined to take revenge on his powerful kinsman. The tension between the king, supported by the Despensers and the Earl of Lancaster and his adherents, had reached boiling point.  The Despensers revealed themselves to be incredibly greedy, persuading Edward to grant them more lands in their power base in the Welsh Marches. The Marcher Lords became increasingly anxious at this development.  They feared that the Despensers might persuade the king to seize the lands of other Marcher Lords, and hand it over to this diabolical father and son double act.

In fact the anti-Despenser faction had an ally in the Queen who feared that Hugh the younger was becoming a Piers Gaveston Mark II. In an attempt to avoid history repeating itself, Isabella had implored her husband to exile the unsavoury pair.

‘Hugh the elder! Hugh the younger!

For the possessions of others, they both have an insatiable hunger!

Edward, my husband, you know what you have to do?

Get rid of both the two awful Hughs!

Because if you don’t, your throne you are bound to lose!

In July 1321, the Marcher Lords led by Lancaster, demanded that the Despensers be banished from the realm. Knowing that Lancaster had a large force at his disposal, Edward feared that he could be deposed if he were to deny this demand. The king reluctantly agreed and father and son were both duly exiled.

Little did anyone suspect but the scene was set for civil war!